Change is a constant in our lives, but not all change asks the same thing of us.
Some change is normal and expected. It arrives with life stages such as aging, career change, children growing up, relationships deepening or shifting. Even when these changes are difficult, they usually come with some sense of sequence. There is a before, a during, and an after. We may have feelings of anxiety and uncertainty, but we also recognize the direction we’re moving in.
Other change is unexpected, and often rooted in loss. A diagnosis. A relationship ending. A job disappearing. Even when we can see the signs in hindsight, these changes land with a suddenness that the nervous system experiences as shock. The world reorganizes itself without our consent, and we are left trying to orient ourselves while still standing in the rubble of what was.
Then there is chaotic change. This is change driven by crisis. This is the kind of disruption that overwhelms our ability to process in real time. Safety feels compromised. Time feels distorted. Decision-making narrows. In these moments, the brain shifts into survival mode, and our usual ways of coping may disappear entirely.
Each of these forms of change creates distress—but in different ways. And importantly, each one carries a different risk of getting stuck.
When people feel stuck, it’s rarely because they are resistant, weak, or unwilling to move forward. More often, it’s because the kind of change they’re facing has quietly altered how their brain, body, and emotions are able to respond.
Understanding what type of change you’re in matters—because the way through it depends on that distinction.